So yesterday I found this place called "Premiere Martial Arts" here in Austin that is really close to my apartment, and they offer a free trial class. So at this point it all seems to be fitting into place, at least in my head. No joke, I am already picturing myself decked out in my martial arts black uniform, performing these amazing punch and kick combinations to perfection as my fellow kickboxers and instructors watch in amazement.
Ok, well let's get back to reality and fast-forward to the phone conversation I had with Stephen, an instructor at Premiere Martial Arts. I have outlined the conversation below with my thoughts in italics.
Stephen: Are you physically active?
Rachel: Um, yeah. I mean I work out.
This guy clearly doesn't recognize the voice of a seasoned athlete. I'm so going to be the best first-time official kickboxer ever! Just give me my black belt now...or is that only for karate? Who cares, they will create something for me to highlight my skills.
Stephen: Have you ever done kickboxing or a martial arts class?
Rachel: Well, kinda...I do this cardio kickboxing class at 24 hour fitness and I really enjoy it.
I'm practically a professional, wait til he sees my jab, uppercut, bob and weave combo...he won't know what hit him.
Stephen: Oh, well this is a lot more intense than that.
Rachel: [confidence waning a bit]...well of course it would be
Surely I can handle this, maybe he's never taken Abel's class at 24 hour fitness, now that's what I call intense...if he took that class he'd realize I'm more than ready for the real thing, right?
Stephen: Well we have you set up for a free trial class. Just come about 10 minutes early and we'll get you your shin pads and boxing gloves
Rachel: ok, sounds great
What?! We need pads for this thing? I was pretty content with just punching the air, do pads imply actual physical contact? Is someone actually going to take a swing at me? Surely I can just picture my opponent, that's good enough for me, I'm a pretty good visualizer. I have 20/20 vision and I'd really like to keep it.
Stephen: alright, well we will see you tomorrow then. Oh, and it looks like I will be the instructor for that class so be ready.
Rachel: Oh ok, well feel free to take it easy on us.
Nice Rachel, lighten him up with a joke, get him to laugh a little...take some of the intensity out of his voice that is admittingly starting to frighten you a bit. Man, I'm going to have this instructor wrapped around my finger by 5:15pm on Tuesday. Whew, good save, we are right back on track.
Stephen: Haha (definitely not getting my humor), I don't think so.
Rachel: (Insert nervous laughter)
Are you kidding me? Not even a genuine laugh from this guy. This is crazy. What have I done? I'm going to a kickboxing class with an instructor who clearly is not even human. Is this what it feels like to sell your soul? Backtrack Rachel, turn and run, TURN AND RUN. This can only end up bad. Oh dear, he's going to say something else, please don't mention weapons, I don't think I can handle it...
Stephen: Well, get ready to work up a sweat. I will see you tomorrow. Thanks for calling. Bye.
Rachel: Stunned silence. This guy is for real. I bet all he does is humiliate nonsuspecting first-timers like me day-in and day-out. This is not going to be pretty. Is it too soon to call and cancel? Ok, I can't cancel, I have to do it. Oh boy, this could get interesting.
If that conversation doesn't tell it all, then I don't know what will. Luckily I have convinced my lovely co-worker Becky to join me in my venture. This way there's someone to suffer along with me because after all, misery loves company. So here I am on Tuesday awaiting my first official kickboxing experience and praying I make it through to tell the tale. Wish me luck!
2 comments:
haha--this made me laugh. I hope you're not too sore to type an update of the class tomorrow!
Oh man. I can't WAIT to hear how it went. You are hilarious Rachel.
Post a Comment